Pressure, Pushing Down On Me

This week, I read a blog that speaks to the parents' side of the issue of 'parental pressure.' I thought it was an appropriate topic considering, as youth ministers, we also need to have some semblance of how to minister to parents as well. This website listed five ways that you can tell if you're a high-pressure parents to your kids. We would be wise to present these ideas to our parents, as well as some ways to fix them. Here are the five signs you may be a high-pressure parent, and some of my thoughts on how to avoid them:

1.) When you get upset at your child's failures.

     Even as a to-be-parent, I can start to understand the idea of living vicariously through a child. I  

     don't want them to make the mistakes I made, I want them to have life even better than I did, and I want them to experience success. The problem with this is that it fails to realize that each child you have is an individual person that was created by God and will one day be an adult themselves. We cannot dictate how their life will go, and we cannot keep them from every mistake. Even I have to read that last sentence again! Instead, we should recognize that all humans sin, all humans make mistakes, and no human will get it all right (unless you plan on parenting Jesus).

2.) When you find yourself constantly fighting with your spouse.

I believe the reason this is on the list is because there are often circumstances where a parent will, unbeknownst to them, care about their relationship with their child more than that of their spouse. This is a mistake and will cause division and problems (see Jacob, Jacob's mother, and Esau for example). What it really comes down to is believing and acting like your child will be worse off if, as parents, you aren't united (which we all know deep down to be true). Keeping this in mind will help us avoid putting our children first, which inevitably causes parental fights. 

3.) When you always give negative feedback.

Again, I think this comes down to the desire to want our kids to have it better, but it comes across to our kids as a subtle statement: you are not allowed to make mistakes. Instead, we ought to praise them when they get things right - and mostly I'm referring to their decisions when it comes to putting Jesus first. We not only give praise, but we need to be sure to give praise for the right things.

4.) When you always make all of the decisions for your child(ren).

I fear I'm beginning to sound like a broken record. Our children have the right to be their own people. We are merely guides - we offer them our experience and let them know how the world works and how God works (as best we understand), and we let them make their own decisions. Does this mean we never discipline - of course not! We discipline in the hopes that they will understand why what they've done is wrong. But ultimately, our parental authority will only last so long. We better be sure we leverage it wisely.

5.) When your child is over scheduled.

I've already written fairly extensively on this throughout my other blogs, but I'll just make a short note here. Busyness is not necessarily Godly if it is fruitless work. Our children will die one day, just as we will. And just like us, they will need to give an account of their actions and how they spent their time to our creator. Let's encourage them to use their time wisely with the end goal in mind!

For those reading, do you have any thoughts on these?

Bibliography

"5 Signs You're a High-Pressure Parent." Care.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 16 Sept. 2014.